By guest author: Christie Hays, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and provides individual counseling sessions and small group workshops in Austin, Texas and surrounding communities in Central Texas. Christie’s mission is to help women be unapologetically themselves. She is dedicated to helping women find & proudly own their femininity, rock the corporate world, and make perfectionism and burnout things of the past. Be Happy. Be Awesome. Be Less Stressed.
I worry, like a lot, and about EVERYTHING. It takes a solid effort for me to not worry. I recently went on vacation with good friends and it took effort and thought and practice to not worry about what the agenda was for each day. I was obsessed with making sure that I had such a great time, I ended up totally stressing myself out before we left. I did however accomplish my goal and had a general idea of what the vacation was going to be like. I had my clothes picked out for each day (which is a true accomplishment for a worrier), and limited my shoe choices to accommodate for all the walking that I wanted to do. Then 14 hours before we are set to fly out for our vacation, I injured myself. I’ll spare you the gruesome toenail injury details, but a trip to the emergency room at 5 am the day of departure was not in my plans. Neither was spending my entire trip in flip flops in the cold, hobbling along to keep up. Here’s the kicker… that injury threw all my plans out the window at the last minute, and I was in pain. I had zero head space to be worried about anything other than my toe. Talk about a cosmic resetting of my expectations that ended up making the trip better than I could have imagined. Now if only my toenail would magically regrow in one night…
That my friends is just one example of my worry, or really my fear, that I live in on a regular basis. Fear is a tricky companion. There are positives to having fear around frequently. I am detail oriented and I can see problems and solutions ahead of many of my peers. Fear can be a great motivator and keep you moving forward when you don’t really know how. The flip side is that fear is scary and a feeling that most people, myself included, don’t enjoy feeling. “What if I do all this work and spend all this money and my private practice still fails?” That is my current fear. And it’s really not about my practice failing, it’s more about me feeling like a failure before my practice is even really going full speed. Feeling like a failure, and feeling stupid are two huge areas of fear for me. I will do almost anything to avoid feeling those feelings. I am completely afraid of them and if I could run full speed ahead away from them I would. But I can’t, so I do what most women I know do. I get busy. I become obsessed with my website, my Facebook page, my networking, my email, cleaning my office, reading books, looking at CEUs and certifications, and on and on and on. I fill my day with nonsense, and with too much. I end the day exhausted and unable to sleep because when I try to relax the fear is right there waiting for me. “How dare you have a typo on your website! I bet that’s why I don’t have new clients, because I was too stupid to catch that typo.” Just a sampling of the fear talking in my head, my angry inner critic at her best/worst.
I share this with you not for pity, but to be vulnerable and honest with my struggle and journey. Just because I have that degree and license on my wall, doesn’t make me free from worry or fear. If anything those expensive pieces of paper have made fear a familiar face to me. I know her well and I want to have a healthier relationship with fear. I want to use fear as a positive motivator, but maybe that statement is a fallacy. If fear comes from a place of scarcity, then the opposite of fear must come from a place of abundance, a place of “fear not”. If busy is covering up for my fear, then what does productive and abundant look like? How can I live a life of “fear not”?
In grad school a classmate of mine sensed that I was having a hard time and worrying about EVERYTHING. She sent me a link to a sermon that helped me to challenge my perspective when my worry and fear are running the show. It was based on the following scriptures:
Matthew 6: 25-27
25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns — and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifespan?
Look at the birds. The birds don’t worry about where their next meal is coming from or where to migrate in the winter. They are excellent examples of creatures living in the present moment and living a life of “fear not”. And wow- “who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifespan?” Worry gets you nowhere and gains you nothing. “Fear” robs from you, but “fear not” gives to you.
Living a life of “fear not” is a true rebellion in our current society. Busy is a badge of honor to be worn and shown off. I remember pulling an all-nighter in college was impressive and seemed to demonstrate one’s dedication to school and “success”. The lack of sleep and ability to function somewhat normally with 14 cups of coffee was a measuring stick for “success”, and ultimately a formula for burnout in the making. Here’s how it usually goes:
You are working toward a goal and then life happens. Things don’t go as planned. Hello FEAR! You don’t enjoy the feeling of FEAR, so here comes the best friend of not fun feelings- avoidance. You avoid the feeling of fear will all of your being. Hello BUSY! Oh wow busy feels good, feels like success and you can talk about how busy you are to everyone. People are impressed at how busy you are. Busy, busy, busy, avoid, avoid, avoid. Fear is still there, but since you are avoiding the fear with all of your busy effort, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. You have to get busier and busier to continue to avoid it. Hello burnout, fancy seeing you here. Now the fear is overwhelming and can’t be avoided. Crash, burnout, attempt to recover a little bit and start all over again, lessons unlearned and more afraid than ever before.
Here’s the secret: if you had allowed yourself to feel the fear for a little bit at the beginning, the rest of it could have been avoided. Don’t fear the fear, instead see what the fear is trying to tell you, even teach you. With an approach of “fear not” you can embrace moments of fear and worry without the concern that the fear is the truth. In my fear of failing and feeling stupid, I know that neither is the truth. They are simply thoughts that I have from time to time. If I pay attention to them when they come up I can usually learn something. However if I avoid them and try my hardest to not feel like a failure and stupid, then busy and stress and burnout are just around the corner. Don’t fear the fear. Listen with a heart full of abundance, because you are more valuable than the birds. That is the faith part, knowing that you are more valuable than the birds and can listen with a heart of “fear not” when fear comes to tell a story. “Fear not”, but listen, learn, and move forward.
I challenge you to take the time to watch the birds. Take a step outside and listen to the birds, watch how they move and interact with each other. If the birds can live a life of “fear not”, you can too. Remember, you are more valuable than the birds, and worthy of a life of “fear not”.
You can learn more about Christie Hays, LPC, her counseling practice, and Creating A Burnout Free Life workshops (next workshop is Saturday January 21, 2017) on her website: www.CounselingWithChristie.com
Fear not,
Alexander Paige
I worry, like a lot, and about EVERYTHING. It takes a solid effort for me to not worry. I recently went on vacation with good friends and it took effort and thought and practice to not worry about what the agenda was for each day. I was obsessed with making sure that I had such a great time, I ended up totally stressing myself out before we left. I did however accomplish my goal and had a general idea of what the vacation was going to be like. I had my clothes picked out for each day (which is a true accomplishment for a worrier), and limited my shoe choices to accommodate for all the walking that I wanted to do. Then 14 hours before we are set to fly out for our vacation, I injured myself. I’ll spare you the gruesome toenail injury details, but a trip to the emergency room at 5 am the day of departure was not in my plans. Neither was spending my entire trip in flip flops in the cold, hobbling along to keep up. Here’s the kicker… that injury threw all my plans out the window at the last minute, and I was in pain. I had zero head space to be worried about anything other than my toe. Talk about a cosmic resetting of my expectations that ended up making the trip better than I could have imagined. Now if only my toenail would magically regrow in one night…
That my friends is just one example of my worry, or really my fear, that I live in on a regular basis. Fear is a tricky companion. There are positives to having fear around frequently. I am detail oriented and I can see problems and solutions ahead of many of my peers. Fear can be a great motivator and keep you moving forward when you don’t really know how. The flip side is that fear is scary and a feeling that most people, myself included, don’t enjoy feeling. “What if I do all this work and spend all this money and my private practice still fails?” That is my current fear. And it’s really not about my practice failing, it’s more about me feeling like a failure before my practice is even really going full speed. Feeling like a failure, and feeling stupid are two huge areas of fear for me. I will do almost anything to avoid feeling those feelings. I am completely afraid of them and if I could run full speed ahead away from them I would. But I can’t, so I do what most women I know do. I get busy. I become obsessed with my website, my Facebook page, my networking, my email, cleaning my office, reading books, looking at CEUs and certifications, and on and on and on. I fill my day with nonsense, and with too much. I end the day exhausted and unable to sleep because when I try to relax the fear is right there waiting for me. “How dare you have a typo on your website! I bet that’s why I don’t have new clients, because I was too stupid to catch that typo.” Just a sampling of the fear talking in my head, my angry inner critic at her best/worst.
I share this with you not for pity, but to be vulnerable and honest with my struggle and journey. Just because I have that degree and license on my wall, doesn’t make me free from worry or fear. If anything those expensive pieces of paper have made fear a familiar face to me. I know her well and I want to have a healthier relationship with fear. I want to use fear as a positive motivator, but maybe that statement is a fallacy. If fear comes from a place of scarcity, then the opposite of fear must come from a place of abundance, a place of “fear not”. If busy is covering up for my fear, then what does productive and abundant look like? How can I live a life of “fear not”?
In grad school a classmate of mine sensed that I was having a hard time and worrying about EVERYTHING. She sent me a link to a sermon that helped me to challenge my perspective when my worry and fear are running the show. It was based on the following scriptures:
Matthew 6: 25-27
25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns — and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifespan?
Look at the birds. The birds don’t worry about where their next meal is coming from or where to migrate in the winter. They are excellent examples of creatures living in the present moment and living a life of “fear not”. And wow- “who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifespan?” Worry gets you nowhere and gains you nothing. “Fear” robs from you, but “fear not” gives to you.
Living a life of “fear not” is a true rebellion in our current society. Busy is a badge of honor to be worn and shown off. I remember pulling an all-nighter in college was impressive and seemed to demonstrate one’s dedication to school and “success”. The lack of sleep and ability to function somewhat normally with 14 cups of coffee was a measuring stick for “success”, and ultimately a formula for burnout in the making. Here’s how it usually goes:
You are working toward a goal and then life happens. Things don’t go as planned. Hello FEAR! You don’t enjoy the feeling of FEAR, so here comes the best friend of not fun feelings- avoidance. You avoid the feeling of fear will all of your being. Hello BUSY! Oh wow busy feels good, feels like success and you can talk about how busy you are to everyone. People are impressed at how busy you are. Busy, busy, busy, avoid, avoid, avoid. Fear is still there, but since you are avoiding the fear with all of your busy effort, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. You have to get busier and busier to continue to avoid it. Hello burnout, fancy seeing you here. Now the fear is overwhelming and can’t be avoided. Crash, burnout, attempt to recover a little bit and start all over again, lessons unlearned and more afraid than ever before.
Here’s the secret: if you had allowed yourself to feel the fear for a little bit at the beginning, the rest of it could have been avoided. Don’t fear the fear, instead see what the fear is trying to tell you, even teach you. With an approach of “fear not” you can embrace moments of fear and worry without the concern that the fear is the truth. In my fear of failing and feeling stupid, I know that neither is the truth. They are simply thoughts that I have from time to time. If I pay attention to them when they come up I can usually learn something. However if I avoid them and try my hardest to not feel like a failure and stupid, then busy and stress and burnout are just around the corner. Don’t fear the fear. Listen with a heart full of abundance, because you are more valuable than the birds. That is the faith part, knowing that you are more valuable than the birds and can listen with a heart of “fear not” when fear comes to tell a story. “Fear not”, but listen, learn, and move forward.
I challenge you to take the time to watch the birds. Take a step outside and listen to the birds, watch how they move and interact with each other. If the birds can live a life of “fear not”, you can too. Remember, you are more valuable than the birds, and worthy of a life of “fear not”.
You can learn more about Christie Hays, LPC, her counseling practice, and Creating A Burnout Free Life workshops (next workshop is Saturday January 21, 2017) on her website: www.CounselingWithChristie.com
Fear not,
Alexander Paige
RSS Feed